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Draco the Lizard
20 October 2014 @ 07:52 pm
Dear Yuletide writer,

Hi! You have probably been assigned to write me a lovely Yuletide gift! I hope you enjoy your ficwriting experience. I've made this letter to hopefully make things a little bit easier for you.

My fic on AO3.

THINGS I LIKE:
Humour, comedy, lightheartedness, banter, a bit of crack (AUs, genderswap, bodyswap), happy endings and crossovers. Some of my requested fandoms are more crossoverable with each other than others, and I am absolutely not expecting a crossover, but if you are familiar with more than one of my fandoms and you happen to feel inspired, by all means.

Please note that enjoying crossovers doesn't automatically mean you can crossover one of my requested fandoms with a fandom I haven't requested. If you want to crossover one of my requested fandoms with another fandom I am familiar with, that is fine, but only if I actually enjoy that fandom. You can check my AO3 profile or Tumblr to see which fandoms I'm into and have been into over the past two or three years. And if you do a crossover between Requested Fandom/Non-Requested Fandom, please make sure that most of the fic focuses on the Requested Fandom :). (if you're confused by this, let's just say that I felt the need to add this clarification after my gift from last year. Carry on.)

THINGS I DON'T LIKE:
Over the top angst, hurt/comfort where 99% of the fic is focused on the hurt, and 1% on the comfort.
In that vein, no non-con or dub-con, please. References to past hurt is fine, there are people in the fandoms I've requested who have been hurt in various ways. You can mention that, that's cool, but don't make that the focus of the fic.

PORN:
If you're considering writing smut, that's fine. If you don't want to write smut, also cool. You can write from rating G to rating NC-17.
But if you're gonna write NC-17 and you want to include some kinky sexytimes, there's a few kinks I don't really care for. No bodily fluids that don't occur naturally during sex, and I'm also not into crossdressing. I am totally cool with things like roleplay or some light bondage.

Please note: Just because I like roleplay in my smut on occasion doesn't mean you have to write roleplay. The sex is totally optional in the fic, I'm just adding it in case you do feel like writing kinky sexytimes.

Fandom-specific stuffCollapse )

Have fun writing, Yuletide author!

If all has gone well, anonymous comments are enabled, so you can ask me questions.
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
12 October 2013 @ 01:08 pm
Dear Yuletide writer,

Hi! You have probably been assigned to write me a lovely Yuletide gift! I hope you enjoy your ficwriting experience. I've made this letter to hopefully make things a little bit easier for you.

My fic on AO3.

THINGS I LIKE:
Humour, comedy, lightheartedness, banter, a bit of crack (AUs, genderswap, bodyswap), happy endings and crossovers. Some of my 4 fandoms are more crossoverable with each other than others, and I am absolutely not expecting a crossover, but if you are familiar with more than one of my fandoms and you happen to feel inspired, by all means.

THINGS I DON'T LIKE:
Hurt/comfort where 99% of the fic is focused on the hurt, and 1% on the comfort.
In that vein, no non-con or dub-con, please. References to past hurt is fine, there are people in the fandoms I've requested who have been hurt in various ways. You can mention that, that's cool, but don't make that the focus of the fic.

Other stuff:
If you're considering writing smut, that's fine. If you don't want to write smut, also cool. You can write from rating G to rating NC-17. (I've received genfic for Yuletide and I loved it.) Still, if you're gonna write NC-17 and you want to include some kinky sexytimes, there's a few kinks I don't really care for. No bodily fluids that don't occur naturally during sex, none of that. I'm also not into crossdressing. I am totally cool with things like roleplay or some light bondage.

Please note: Just because I like roleplay in my smut on occasion doesn't mean you have to write roleplay. The sex is totally optional in the fic, I'm just adding it in case you do feel like writing kinky sexytimes.

Fandomspecific stuffCollapse )

Have fun writing, Yuletide author!

If all has gone well, anonymous comments are enabled, so you can ask me questions.
Tags:
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
18 August 2013 @ 01:48 pm
So I read a few more chapters in Patrick Rothfuss' The Wise Man's Fear again, and on the one hand I'm happy that Kvothe the Smug Git is finally leaving University (although he had to be told it was best to leave and he had to be told where to go) because hey, there is stuff happening!

On the other hand I am displeased that, after 50% of the first book and 40% of the second book is Boring University Stuff, the chapter that deals with Kvothe travelling to his new destination is basically 'lol there were pirates and I got shipwrecked and it was all very exciting but I'm not gonna tell you what actually happened'.

FUCK YOU PATRICK ROTHFUSS.

FOR HUNDREDS OF PAGES WE GET THE SAME REPETITIVE DRIVEL OF KVOTHE NEEDING MONEY, OF KVOTHE TRYING TO FIND DENNA, OF KVOTHE AND AMBROSE SNAPPING AT EACH OTHER, OF KVOTHE STUDYING MAGIC AND NOW THAT THERE IS SOMETHING HAPPENING THAT IS NOT THAT YOU SKIP IT?

I think Rothfuss was going for comedy but failed.

Also, the reason Kvothe gives for skipping (this books are meant to be him telling his lifestory to Chronicler) is that the exciting boat journey has nothing to do with the heart of the story. OH SO ALL THAT BORING UNIVERSITY DRIVEL DOES? IS THAT IT? REALLY? OH NO WE CAN'T DISCUSS THE PIRATES, LET'S FOCUS ON KVOTHE HAVING MONEY ISSUES FOR THE SIXTH TIME IN 600 PAGES.

As far as I can tell, the 'heart of the story' is Kvothe wanting to get the truth out, because of course he is a legendary hero and there are lots of stories about him. He has explained away some of his nicknames (Kvothe Six-String, because his lute broke on the night of an important performance and he kept playing) and told Chronicler what actually happened at his trial at University.

HOWEVER, considering how easily rumours and stories spread about the things Kvothe has done, are we really supposed to assume that none of the stuff from the boatjourney (Heroics! Pirates!) made it into rumours and stories as part of his legend? Absolutely none? Because I'm pretty sure sailors like telling tall stories and come on, PIRATES.

There should at least have been one or two rumours arrising from this boatjourney. Stuff like 'Kvothe the mighty didn't hire a boat, he transformed into a bird and flew' or 'Kvothe the mighty bewitched sailors who didn't dare sail across some scary part of the ocean and then they were attacked by a monster and Kvothe defeated it'. And then Kvothe could've explained that the monster was actually a storm and he ended up shipwrecked.

Rothfuss probably was going for a lulzy 'see what I did there?' joke by skipping the details of the boatjourney, but it feels like a 'fuck you, after hundreds of pages of nothing happening at University, here's a whiff of something interesting, now let's get back to Kvothe being poor'. BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE THE STORY PICKS UP. KVOTHE IS POOR AND IN A NEW CITY AND WHATEVER SHALL HE DO?

Basically the same as he did in Tarbean, namely dress up like a posh git, act like a posh git, and boss some other posh git around until he got what he wanted. I suppose I should be relieved that, unlike in Tarbean, Kvothe didn't first spend several years thieving his way around the new city.

I truly do not understand how Rothfuss got raving reviews for these two books. I don't. They're mostly filler, occasionally something interesting happens, there's some bits in there that are original, but I don't see how that leads to 4 and 5 stars reviews. Three stars I'd get, but 5? This is not great fantasy, this is your usual Mary Sue hero fare but duller.
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
15 October 2012 @ 12:13 pm
Hi! You have probably been assigned to write me a lovely Yuletide gift! I hope you enjoy your ficwriting experience. I've made this letter to hopefully make things a little bit easier for you.

My fic on AO3.

THINGS I LIKE:
Humour, comedy, lightheartedness, banter, a bit of crack (AUs, genderswap, bodyswap) , happy endings and crossovers. Some of my 4 fandoms are more crossoverable with each other than others, and I am absolutely not expecting a crossover, but if you are familiar with more than one of my fandoms and you happen to feel inspired, by all means.

THINGS I DON'T LIKE:
Hurt/comfort where 99% of the fic is focused on the hurt, and 1% on the comfort.
In that vein, no non-con or dub-con, please. References to past hurt is fine, there are people in the fandoms I've requested who have been hurt in various ways. You can mention that, that's cool, but don't make that the focus of the fic.

Other stuff:
If you're considering writing smut, that's fine. If you don't want to write smut, also cool. You can write from rating G to rating NC-17. (the fic I got last year was gen, and I loved it.) Still, if you're gonna write NC-17 and you want to include some kinky sexytimes, there's a few kinks I don't really care for. No bodily fluids that don't occur naturally during sex, none of that. I'm also not into crossdressing. I am totally cool with things like roleplay or some light bondage.

Please note: Just because I like roleplay in my smut on occasion doesn't mean you have to write roleplay. The sex is totally optional in the fic, I'm just adding it in case you do feel like writing kinky sexytimes.

Fandom specific stuffCollapse )

One of the fandoms I requested is a music video by Chris Dane Owens, Shine On Me. You may not be familiar with this EPIC AND AMAZING music video.



Even if you're not going to write for this music, at least give it a watch. It is hilarious and has literally everything you could possibly want in a music video.
Tags:
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
14 December 2011 @ 11:26 pm
Stolen from littlemoose

Tell me about a story I haven't written, and I'll give you between one and three sentences from that story.
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
16 November 2011 @ 10:26 pm
Dear Yuletide writer,

First of all, enjoy your writing process! I intend to enjoy mine. And now, some things I do and don't like, because you're probably already complaining about my vagueness in my request form. Sorry.

I DO LIKE:
Crack, AUs, genderswap, bodyswap, fluff, lightheartedness, happy endings. I also like crossovers, so if you're familiar with Top Gear and Horrible Histories, by all means, feel free to have Elizabeth I as your Star In A Reasonably Priced Car, and the problems she has fitting her dress in the Cee'd.

I DO NOT LIKE:
Hurt/comfort where 99% of the fic is focused on the hurt, and 1% on the comfort. I like AUs, but that doesn't mean I want a Prostitute AU with massive abuse but it's okay because their true love will save them bla bla bla no thanks.
In that vein, no non-con or dub-con, please. References to past hurt is fine, there are people in the fandoms I've requested who have been hurt in various ways. You can mention that, that's cool, but don't make that the focus of the fic.

If you're considering writing smut, that's fine. If you don't want to write smut, also cool. You can write from rating G to rating NC-17. Still, if you're gonna write NC-17 and you want to include some kinky sexytimes, there's a few kinks I don't really care for. No bodily fluids that don't occur naturally during sex, none of that. I'm also not into crossdressing. I am totally cool with things like roleplay or some light bondage.

Please note: Just because I like roleplay in my smut on occasion doesn't mean you have to write roleplay. The sex is totally optional in the fic, I'm just adding it in case you do feel like writing kinky sexytimes.

Fandom-specific stuffCollapse )
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
So, I follow several neurosciency blogs with an RSS feed on LJ, because they're relevant to my interests, and one of them linked this study which concludes that men who have more women around live longer than men who have fewer women around. I think this is about as believable as that thing that proves that the dwindling number of pirates led the global warming.

Correlation doesn't imply causation, people! Yes, I linked to wikipedia. Yes, that means I fail as a scientist. At least I'm willing to own up to my fail, unlike the people who studied the effect of women on men's health.

They compared data from a high school from 1957, meaning they knew what the female to male ratio was in the classroom and nowhere else. They have no idea if the teenage men of the time were surrounded by sisters, or other female relatives, or had plenty of female neighbours, or even if the teenage men hung around their female classmates outside of class.

Also, one of the introductory paragraphs of the article on the research says that "the idea that a dearth of available women hurts male longevity has been around for some time" and then lists a bunch of reasons that reek of evolutionary psychology. Ah, evolutionary psychology, where a lot of conclusions seem to be that life was perfect in the fifties. Linking to XKCD isn't exactly scientific either, I know that. They basically say that marriage has been linked to living longer, and make up conclusions based on that.

Mind, by only checking for classmates, the researchers seem to be focusing on women the teenage men might make babies with, so maybe that's why they didn't look at female relatives. Still doesn't say anything about teenage girl neighbours, or if the teenage men spent any time with their female classmates.

Some commenters on the article make brilliant points. If marriage is supposed to have health benefits, why only look at women? What about homosexuals in a longterm relationship? And what about all-boy boarding schools? Wouldn't that be a way better control rather than a high or low female to male ratio? Who decides what a high or low female to male ratio even is? Seriously, isn't it better to check the data from an all-boy boarding school versus a mixed boarding school in the same area? You can even divide the mixed boarding school in a high and low ratio, if you like.

Also, the benefit is that men who have been around more women in their teens live three months longer. Is that even significant? My point is, I'm not even a proper scientist, and I can poke holes in this research. So can most of the commenters. If well-educated layfolk can poke holes in your research, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

I could look up the proper research on Pubmed, but at this time of night, I can't be bothered. Maybe the fail rests entirely with the journalist who wrote the article.
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
28 March 2010 @ 01:15 am
Excuse me, Daily Telegraph, a word please about this article on how eating snow and drinking rain water is good for you. Because it says that "it also suggests [rain water] can protect us from stomach upsets, citing a University of Western Australia study that found children who drank rainwater were less likely to contract gastroenteritis."

Which, er, okay, you're encouraging your readers to drink rain water. At least you're also telling them to put it through an ultraviolet filter first to kill the bacteria.

However, if you go to PubMed to look up the study they're referring to, there is an abstract that very clearly states the following in its conclusion: "Gastroenteritis was found to be a significant cause of morbidity among young children. Young children, who were regular consumers of tank rainwater, were at no greater odds of gastroenteritis than those who drank treated public mains water."

THERE WAS NO SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE. THAT IS WHAT IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. How do you even get 'drinking rain water is good against stomach upsets' out of 'there is no significent difference'? Maybe in the future you should consider not hiring illiterate journalists.
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
08 October 2009 @ 03:09 pm
rpf_big_bang masterpost.

Title: The Saga Begins
Author name: dracothelizard
Artist name: fizzyblogic
Fandom: British bandom with a small dash of British television presenters.
Genre: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 19,959
Warnings/Spoilers: The same warnings that would apply to A New Hope, like mild torture and character death, except there's no incest.
Summary: A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, a farmboy by the name of Gary Barlow is dragged into a Galactic Civil War against his will. It's the mighty Empire versus the Rebel Alliance, and the Empire is hunting down Gary before he even fully knows what's going on with his uncle Paul McCartney, and why Ant and Dec were sent by the captured Prince Mark Owen to get him. Even the slightly unreliable smuggler Jason and his co-pilot Howard seem to know more about what's going on than Gary, which seems really rather unfair.
Disclaimer: Everything in this story is completely made up by me, or by George Lucas.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4

Author's notes:
I would like to thank blame littlemoose and wolfy_writing. wolfy_writing because she was the one who pointed out that Howard-from-Take-That clearly had Wookiee parentage which made me decide that clearly, the world needed a Star Wars/Take That AU, and littlemoose because she brainstormed with me and let me throw fic snippets at her and beta'd the whole thing.

And I want to thank fizzyblogic for claiming my story and making an awesome soundtrack to go with it. Here's their post with the soundtrack.

I couldn't have written this fic without the Wookieepedia, which is an AMAZING wiki about the entire Star Wars universe and it made my fic-writing process a whole lot easier.
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
05 October 2009 @ 01:04 am
Title: The Saga Begins - Chapter 4
Genre: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Character death.

Chapter 4Collapse )

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
05 October 2009 @ 01:03 am
Title: The Saga Begins - Chapter 3
Genre: Gen
Rating: PG-13

Chapter 3Collapse )

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 4
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
05 October 2009 @ 12:59 am
Title: The Saga Begins - Chapter 2
Genre: Gen
Rating: PG-13

Chapter 2Collapse )

Chapter 1
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
05 October 2009 @ 12:56 am
Title: The Saga Begins - Chapter 1
Genre: Gen
Rating: PG-13

Chapter 1Collapse )

Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
26 September 2009 @ 07:30 pm
To celebrate littlemoose's birthday, I've written a fic that combines two of her oldest fandoms, namely Ant and Dec and Take That. I could've gone for a hattrick and included Top Gear, but then it would've got VERY long (it's 7,000 words as it is), and it's a vampire AU, so it would probably have ended up with Team Top Gear as ambitious but rubbish vampire hunters, and it would've been too much like the Dracula play we're doing with the theatre society. Although I suppose that with Clarkson as a vampire hunter there would be a lot more explosions and fire.

The idea is in a way quite old already, as a long time ago littlemoose inflicted some of Ant and Dec's musical output on me, and one of the songs was Perfect. It's hilariously earnest, and the video involves Dec moping around on a bed with his shirt undone while Ant looms by a window and there're flashbacks to some dinner party. I came to conclusion that Dec was a vampire who was angsting over the random blonde he killed while Ant was his vampire servant who now had to hide the body.

And a few months ago, littlemoose decided to inflict Take That on me, and one of the music videos was Why Can't I Wake Up With You, which seems to be about Take That moping that they can't all sleep together in a big bed after their massive gay orgy. But the point is, it has the same 'people moping about in a big house with blue lighting in various states of undress while having flashbacks' theme as Perfect, so I decided that Take That was moping in Dec's vampire chateau, and that Take That were also Dec's vampire minions.

And then I decided that these things had to be combined in one big massive Ant and Dec/Take That vampire AU crossover in honour of littlemoose's birthday!

TITLE: Dead of Night
SUMMARY: It's Ant McPartlin first soliciting job abroad, and he goes to meet Count Donnelly in Transylvania. Count Donnelly's servants are a bit odd, and so is one of the local girls. Luckily, the Count himself is perfectly friendly.
RATING: PG-13
PAIRINGS: Ant/Dec, obviously, with some minor Ant/Howard/Jason/Mark.
WARNINGS: Don't read if you don't like RPF, and the bit where Ant has three Take That vampire minions all over him probably counts as dubcon.
DISCLAIMER: None of this ever happened, obviously.

What’s so bad about Count Donnelly?Collapse )
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
Title: Enraptured
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Pairing: Jack O'Neill/F-302
Summary: "Jack doesn’t do poetic or flowery declarations of undying love, but he’s beginning to think that maybe he should start now that he has fallen completely in love."
Rating: PG-13 for naughty language
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate SG-1 and I don't mean any harm.

Jack can not believe thisCollapse )

Title: Smooth
Fandom: Top Gear
Pairing: Richard Hammond/Brown leather jacket
Summary: Richard *really* liked the brown leather jacket, as seen on the Radio Times. (The jacket, not him liking it.)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: None of this happened, and if it did, I have nothing to do with it.

Richard liked the brown leather jacketCollapse )

Title: You Are Feeling Very Sleepy
Fandom: Gilmore Girls
Pairing: Luke Danes/A flannel shirt
Summary: Luke can't sleep. A flannel shirt helps with the solution.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: None of this happened, and if it did, I have nothing to do with it.

It was a hot and humid night in Star’s HollowCollapse )

Title: Secret Desires (yes, I know it's a crap title)
Pairings: Jeremy/Bugatti Veyron
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jeremy just wants one night of privacy with the Veyron.
Genre: Crack. PWP
Disclaimer: Not actually true as far as I know, although I certainly wouldn't be surprised.

He really wasn’t supposed to hereCollapse )
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
26 January 2009 @ 12:37 am
Title: Better Days
Author: dracothelizard
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I made it all up.
Characters: Mohinder Suresh, Sylar, Richard Hammond, James May, Jeremy Clarkson, the Stig.
Table/Prompt: Table 11, prompt Hello.
Word Count: 5700
Summary: In which the Top Gear presenters possibly have powers and ruin Mohinder's afternoon.
Notes: This was written several months ago for littlemoose's birthday, and she did read it in time for her birthday, but I never got round to posting it until now. The whole thing is set during season one.

Also, if you hadn't noticed, it's a Top Gear/Heroes crossover.

The problem with having a list with the contact information of people all over the world who might have special powers was that it left one with a very high phone bill.Collapse )
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
13 January 2009 @ 11:44 pm
So, I see that the 'post anything you want in this post but do it anonymously' meme is doing the rounds again, and I'm sure people are running out of things they want to say anonymously, which is why I am re-using another type of anonymous meme: THE ANONYMOUS PORN MEME. For Top Gear, by the way. Although I suppose crossovers are allowed too, because we can always use more Captain Jack Harkness/Top Gear presenters or whatever takes your fancy.

The same rules as last time apply, and are hereCollapse )

So, now that everyone knows how this works, let's get to writing and requesting some porn!
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
18 July 2008 @ 11:32 pm
Okay, this was supposed to be a short 'happy birthday to Riona ficlet', but then it got long. Over 7,000 words long.

TITLE: Just One Of Those Days.
SUMMARY: Dean Winchester and Jeremy Clarkson swap bodies, and it takes everyone else a surprisingly long time to figure out what happened. And then Zombie Piers Morgan turns up.
RATING: nothing untowar happens, so we'll say PG.
PAIRINGS: None, unless you think Dean and Jeremy spending time in each other's bodies counts, or something.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIONA. I hope you like your Supernatural/Top Gear crossover bodyswap fic present. It is now also beta'd by her!
DISCLAIMER: Everything in this fic actually happened, except for the stuff that didn't.

Also, the case Sam and Dean are supposed to be looking into is basically the Call of Cthulhu scenario I played Wednesday evening. Apparently that scenario is based on Lovecraft's The Case of Charles Dexter Ward, and there's a summary here on Wikipedia, in case you're vaguely curious as to what the Winchesters are dealing with, as I don't cover the whole thing in the fic.

Dean thinks someone would’ve told him if he had the habit of sleepwalkingCollapse )
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
13 June 2008 @ 03:45 pm
And now, my very first Supernatural fanfic. Hurrah!

Title: Sleeping With My Car
Genre: Crack
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Chevrolet Impala
Rating: Pretty PG
Summary: After a run-in with a witch, Sam has to deal with the fall-out of the dying witch's curse.
Disclaimer: So not mine, any of it.
Notes: Beta'd by rionaleonhart

You"re not worried about that witch"s curse?Collapse )
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
09 February 2008 @ 02:14 pm
Title: Land of Confusion part 9. This is the last part.
Author: dracothelizard
Rating: PG-13/R for violence.
Genre: Utterly ridiculous crossover crack.
Pairing: James/James
Warning: Contains violence.
Fandoms: Silent Hill 2, Top Gear, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pokémon, House MD, James Bond.
Summary: In which our five Jameses are finally outside, in the fresh air, for a change. But not for long, obviously, because they need to explore the hotel.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any fictional or real places, people, things and settings. None of this has obviously ever happened, and I'm just doing this for fun, not profit.
Beta'd by rionaleonhart

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8

They found themselves in a room with wooden wallsCollapse )
Tags:
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
07 February 2008 @ 01:25 am
Title: Land of Confusion part 8
Author: dracothelizard
Rating: PG-13/R for violence.
Genre: Utterly ridiculous crossover crack.
Pairing: James/James
Warning: Contains violence.
Fandoms: Silent Hill 2, Top Gear, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pokémon, House MD, James Bond.
Summary: In which the prison is explored even further, including the labyrinth below.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any fictional or real places, people, things and settings. None of this has obviously ever happened, and I'm just doing this for fun, not profit.
Beta'd by rionaleonhart

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

The level below the prison was filled with narrow hallways and rusty ladders leading to even lower floors.Collapse )
Tags:
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
06 February 2008 @ 02:08 am
Title: Land of Confusion part 7
Author: dracothelizard
Rating: PG-13/R for violence.
Genre: Utterly ridiculous crossover crack.
Pairing: James/James
Warning: Contains violence.
Fandoms: Silent Hill 2, Top Gear, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pokémon, House MD, James Bond.
Summary: In which the prison is explored, and the Jameses decide that splitting up is the best course of action.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any fictional or real places, people, things and settings. None of this has obviously ever happened, and I'm just doing this for fun, not profit.
Beta'd by rionaleonhart

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

He thought that the drop had definitely been shorter than he had expectedCollapse )
Tags:
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
03 February 2008 @ 02:03 am
Title: Land of Confusion part 6
Author: dracothelizard
Rating: PG-13/R for violence.
Genre: Utterly ridiculous crossover crack.
Pairing: James/James
Warning: Contains violence.
Fandoms: Silent Hill 2, Top Gear, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pokémon, House MD, James Bond.
Summary: In which everybody leaves the hospital, only to discover the historical society.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any fictional or real places, people, things and settings. None of this has obviously ever happened, and I'm just doing this for fun, not profit.
Beta'd by rionaleonhart

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

They said they saw somethingCollapse )
Tags:
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
01 February 2008 @ 01:03 pm
Title: Land of Confusion part 5
Author: dracothelizard
Rating: PG-13/R for violence.
Genre: Utterly ridiculous crossover crack.
Pairing: James/James
Warning: Contains violence.
Fandoms: Silent Hill 2, Top Gear, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pokémon, House MD, James Bond.
Summary: In which the hospital changes, and Pyramid Head makes more than an appearance...
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any fictional or real places, people, things and settings. None of this has obviously ever happened, and I'm just doing this for fun, not profit.
Beta'd by rionaleonhart

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

How the hell did it get in here?Collapse )
Tags:
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
31 January 2008 @ 03:54 pm
Title: Land of Confusion part 4
Author: dracothelizard
Rating: PG-13/R for violence.
Genre: Utterly ridiculous crossover crack.
Pairing: James/James
Warning: Contains violence.
Fandoms: Silent Hill 2, Top Gear, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pokémon, House MD, James Bond.
Summary: The five men explore the hospital. Fun for all!
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any fictional or real places, people, things and settings. None of this has obviously ever happened, and I'm just doing this for fun, not profit.
Beta'd by rionaleonhart

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The hospital was as confusing as the two apartments.Collapse )

And now it looks like I don't appreciate the reviews I've got so far, because I'm whinging and I never replied to the reviewers, but, er, I do love you all, reviewers, and please continue to review, not just for my fic, but for fic by others as well.
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Draco the Lizard
28 January 2008 @ 09:45 pm
Title: Land of Confusion. Part 3
Author: dracothelizard
Rating: PG-13/R for violence.
Genre: Utterly ridiculous crossover crack.
Pairing: James/James
Warning: Contains violence.
Fandoms: Silent Hill 2, Top Gear, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pokémon, House MD, James Bond.
Summary: In which James and James are still in the apartments, but don't worry, they're going to get out to meet up with the other Jameses.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any fictional or real places, people, things and settings. None of this has obviously ever happened, and I'm just doing this for fun, not profit.
Beta'd by rionaleonhart

Part 1
Part 2

Wilson thought they were making quite good progressCollapse )
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Draco the Lizard
23 January 2008 @ 09:04 pm
Title: Land of Confusion. Part 2
Author: dracothelizard
Rating: PG-13/R for violence.
Genre: Utterly ridiculous crossover crack.
Pairing: James/James
Warning: Contains violence.
Fandoms: Silent Hill 2, Top Gear, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pokémon, House MD, James Bond.
Summary: James and James explore the apartments of Silent Hill, while James and James take a stroll around the park and meet a new friend.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any fictional or real places, people, things and settings. None of this has obviously ever happened, and I'm just doing this for fun, not profit.
Beta'd by rionaleonhart

Part 1

In which they are split up.Collapse )
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Draco the Lizard
19 January 2008 @ 07:43 pm
I know that I normally don't post fanfiction in my own LJ, but I want this fic to be public, so my own LJ it is.

I also want to make it clear that this is ALL rionaleonhart's fault. She convinced me to play Silent Hill 2, and she mentioned it'd be funny if someone wrote fic in which James Wilson, James May, James Sunderland and James-from-Team Rocket were in a fourway relationship together, because the resulting confusion would be funny. Before I knew it, I was writing snippets of these four men in Silent Hill. (Don't worry, there's no fourway relationship at any point.)

And then someone had to mention James Bond and James Norrington. draegonhawke even mentioned James T. Kirk, but luckily I have never seen any of the Star Trek he was in, so Kirk escaped being shoved into Silent Hill. Bond and Norrington, however, did not escape unscathed.

Title: Land of Confusion.
Author: dracothelizard
Rating: PG-13/R for violence.
Genre: Utterly ridiculous crossover crack.
Pairing: James/James
Warning: Contains violence.
Fandoms: Silent Hill 2, Top Gear, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pokémon, House MD, James Bond.
Summary: One day, Jeremy Clarkson decides that James May needs to race through Silent Hill to see if a car can beat a balloon piloted by James-from-Team Rocket and an ambulance driven by James Wilson, while James Sunderland helps May to navigate. Unfortunately, the town decides that racing isn't what it wants, and it swiftly sends its monsters after the four men. They decide that splitting up is the best strategy to find a way out, and while James and James search through some apartment buildings, James and James explore the town.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any fictional or real places, people, things and settings. None of this has obviously ever happened, and I'm just doing this for fun, not profit.
Beta'd by rionaleonhart

What do you mean, pit me against other people based solely on my first name?Collapse )
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Draco the Lizard
22 April 2007 @ 02:38 pm
Yes, another post, because I think it's tidier.

From darthfi

Post a list of your top five favourite fics you've written, regardless of fandom or the reason you love them. This isn't about the BEST things you've written, but what you LOVE most. Then tag five other people to do the same.


One Moment of Weakness.
Fandom: Harry Potter.
Rating: PG.
It's about Quirrell having flash-backs to making his deal with Voldemort while Quirrell is dying. I choose this one because it is the very first serious and angsty fic I have ever written, and because I think it is the first one I did I can look back on and not cringe at certain bits.

Love In The Medical Bay.
Fandom: Red Dwarf.
Rating: PG-13, pairing is Rimmer/Yvonne McGruder.
It's just oddly sweet and even romantic, which is something I don't do very often. I did quite a bit of reading of the Red Dwarf novels to figure out what exactly was canon for the Rimmer/McGruder fling, but the books contradicted each other at some points, but I think that what I did doesn't contradict canon hugely and still works, even if I do make Rimmer adorable rather than a git, I think he does have an Inner Adorable Person tucked away somewhere. So, anyway, I like this one because it's too sweet for words and has an unhappy ending. It's not the sort of fic I usually, but I love it anyway.

Afterlife
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: PG-13, pairing that's hinted at is Dead!Dumbledore/Voldemort.
It's utterly creepy, and it was written on a prompt, because SOMEONE wanted zombie!Dumbledore. You know who you are. Anyway, I had the idea of making Dumbledore into one of those Inferi things, and then Voldemort decided he wanted to do one of those villain explainy bits, and he started being creepy and a bit emo, but mostly creepy. The whole fic is basically just a conversation between Dumbledore and Voldemort, but it's my favourite for once again being unusual for me, by being a) really rather creepy b) having a depressing ending and c) having a pairing between two characters who dislike each other in canon.

Clueless
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rating: PG. Suggested pairings are Jack/Thor and Jack/Bra'tac.
Because Jack IS SO flirting with Thor and Bra'tac and everyone else, and hardly anyone ever recognises that Thor and Bra'tac are blatantly flirting back. I really like this fic, because it is light and humorous and just involves people talking and mocking each other and going off on ridiculous tangents, and it basically is just SG-1 being silly together.

I have to say, my last choice was quite difficult, but I settled on one eventually.
Within The Woods
Fandom: Top Gear
Rating: PG-13. Pairings involve James/Richard although there's hints at others.
Because the premise is ridiculous. Because I had to look up flirting tips on cosmopolitan.com. Because all three are being utter idiots in this fic. Because I get far too obsessed with ravenous boars. Because I made the title an Evil Dead reference because I forgot to have an Evil Dead reference in the fic. Because it involves Jeremy being an unhelpful git, Richard panicking a lot and James being set on fire. Because it was born out of a game of 'hey, you should write this. What do you mean, *I* should write this? Oh, all right, have some snippets'. I could've gone for the insanely cracky ones, like the House MD and Scrubs crossover, or the one in which they are turned into cars, or a fic that actually involved Top Gear Dog, but I went for this one because it is silly without being too cracky and because the memory of looking up flirting tips on cosmopolitan.com will never stop amusing me.

The full fic, because the link is friends-locked.Collapse )

Now, I know I'm supposed to tag people, but I don't really believe in tagging, so if any fanfic'cers on my friendslist want to do this, feel free :D
 
 
Music:: Dolly Dots - Love Me Just A Little Bit More
 
 
 
Draco the Lizard
17 October 2006 @ 12:45 am
If you're not interested in reading about Captain Jack Harkness going insane and having it off with the Anne Droid, please skip this entry.

Title: He's Good With His Hands
Rating: R. Which in that case also stands for Ridiculous.
Word count: 682
Summary: It's been a month without humans on a satellite filled with scrap bits of robots. So what does a resourceful Captain Jack do? Exactly. Make his own entertainment.
Notes: Written for the Captain Jack Sexes Everyone In Every Fandom Ever which in this case is pretty much his own fandom of Doctor Who. It's Post-Parting of the Ways and this whole thing evilgeniuslady's fault.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic AT ALL.
Pairing: Captain Jack/The Anne Droid
Warning: Didn't you see the pairing listed? It's disturbing.

Jack stared at his creationCollapse )
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Draco the Lizard
10 October 2006 @ 01:39 am
Title: Meeting The Unexpected (or, 'I'm crap at titles and this is what I come up with at two in the morning')
Rating: Let’s say PG-13 because I imply sexual goings-on, partly to make up for the complete LACK of sexual goings-on in my previous three fics.
Word count: ±3,500.
Summary: Captain Jack Harkness (you know, that charming chap from Doctor Who who now nearly has his own spin-off called Torchwood) has been ordered to investigate the possible alienness of the Stig. Is the Stig going to let him get away with this? Will the other three?
Notes: This is written for the Captain Jack Sexes Everyone In Every Fandom Ever' Challenge. Which is exactly what I had Jack do, sort of. And I suppose it's a sort of Torchwood or Doctor Who/Top Gear crossover.
Disclaimer: Absolutely nothing in this fic belongs to me, and if any events from this fic happen I should not be held responsible for it.
Warning: I have obviously never seen Torchwood so obviously the bits about Torchwood are from my imagination and not based on anything I read or saw about the TV show.
Pairing: Jeremy/James/Richard/Captain Jack and a bit of Captain Jack/Stig.

The first thing he noticed was a rather furry and adorable looking dogCollapse )

For the crosspostage: here
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Draco the Lizard
01 October 2006 @ 12:37 am
Well, I figured I might as well post this fic in a proper public post. I have this thing where I like to have all my fics in public rather than in friends locked posts. I'm a bit weird like that.

Title: Who Let The Dog Out? (Yes, I know it’s stupid, and I’m sorry)
Rating: Let’s say PG-13 because it is quite scary, and there’s some naughty language.
Word count: 9,500ish. It got LONG.
Summary: Adam Klaus is invited to perform a magic trick on Top Gear, so naturally Jonathan accompanies him. Unfortunately, Top Gear Dog goes missing from a locked office. Can Jonathan find TG and reunite her with her worried masters? Top Gear/Jonathan Creek crossover!
Warning: Contains Jeremy Clarkson as The Voice of Reason. (Don’t worry, just for a bit!)
Notes: This is half my fault, and half littlemoose.
Disclaimer: Absolutely nothing in this fic belongs to me, and if any events from this fic happen I should not be held responsible for it.

Also, I know that Adam’s endurance tricks are in season 4 and that Maddy leaves in season 3, but let’s pretend that Maddy is back from the States and that Carla is too busy with her television career to be called by Jonathan, okay?

Woof bloody woofCollapse )

Crossposted here.
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